Making time for each other: friendship, fun and companionship in a Muslim marriage

Many couples begin married life as best friends. Then work, bills, children and screens fill the days, and without anyone noticing, two people who love each other start to live like polite housemates. Islam does not treat marriage as a contract only. The Quran describes spouses as a source of tranquility, with "affection and mercy" placed between them (Quran 30:21, Sahih International). Affection needs time to grow. This article looks at how the Prophet ﷺ made time for his wife, and at simple ways to bring friendship and fun back into your own home.

Marriage is a friendship

Allah describes the closeness of husband and wife with a beautiful image:

They are a clothing for you and you are a clothing for them.

Clothing is close, warm and protective, and it is with you all day. A spouse is meant to be that kind of companion, not someone you only meet to discuss chores and money. Friendship in marriage is built in ordinary moments: a shared cup of tea, a joke, a walk, a conversation that has nothing to do with problems.

The Prophet ﷺ made time to play

One of the most loved narrations about the Prophet's home comes from Aisha. She narrated that while on a journey with him, she raced him on foot and won. Years later, when she had put on weight, they raced again and he won, and he said:

This is for that outstripping.

He was the Messenger of Allah, leading a community and carrying a heavy mission, yet he still found time to race his wife and tease her gently about it afterwards. Playfulness is not a distraction from a serious life. It is part of a loving one.

Aisha also narrated that she watched some Ethiopians displaying their skill with spears in the mosque while the Prophet ﷺ stood at the door of her house and screened her with his cloak so she could see (Sahih al-Bukhari 454, 455). He made space for something she enjoyed and stayed beside her while she enjoyed it.

Listen to the long story

In Sahih al-Bukhari 5189, Aisha tells a long story about eleven women who promised to describe their husbands honestly. Some complaints are funny, some are sad. The eleventh woman, Umm Zar, speaks warmly about her husband Abu Zar and how generous and kind he was to her. At the end, Aisha said that Allah's Messenger ﷺ said to her:

I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife Um Zar.

Think about what this shows. He listened to the whole story, all eleven women, and then answered with a sweet, personal reassurance. Real listening, without checking a phone or rushing to the point, tells your spouse that they matter to you.

Small signs of closeness

Aisha also described how, when she drank and passed the vessel to the Prophet ﷺ, he would put his mouth where hers had been and drink, and he did the same with food she handed him (Sahih Muslim 300). It is a tiny, everyday detail, preserved for us across fourteen centuries. Love in marriage is often shown in exactly these small, unspoken gestures.

Your spouse has a right to your time

It is possible to neglect a marriage even while doing good things. When Abdullah bin Amr was fasting every day and praying all night, the Prophet ﷺ told him to keep balance, and said:

Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you.

In a similar story, Salman visited Abu Ad-Darda, who was so devoted to fasting and night prayer that his wife said he had no interest in this world. Salman told him, "your family has a right on you", and the Prophet ﷺ said, "Salman has spoken the truth" (Sahih al-Bukhari 1968). If worship itself should not crowd out your spouse, then work, scrolling and endless busyness should not either.

Practical ideas for busy couples

• Protect one daily pocket of time. Ten or fifteen minutes with tea after the children sleep, or a short chat before Fajr or after Isha. Same time, every day you can.
• Put the phones away. Agree on a phone-free meal or a phone-free first half hour after work.
• Walk together. A walk around the neighbourhood is free, healthy and makes conversation easy.
• Bring back play. A board game, a friendly race, cooking a new recipe together, or a silly in-joke only the two of you understand.
• Ask better questions. Instead of "How was your day?", try "What made you smile today?" or "What is worrying you this week?"
• Plan a regular date. It does not need to be expensive: a picnic, a drive, or dessert at a favourite cafe once a month.
• Remember together. Look back at photos from your wedding and early years and talk about how far you have come.
• Make du'a for your marriage. "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes" (Quran 25:74, Sahih International).

When you feel far apart

Sometimes one spouse wants more time together and the other feels stretched thin. Raise it gently, at a calm moment, and talk about what you miss rather than what the other person is doing wrong. Start with one small, specific plan that is easy to agree to. If you have drifted apart for a long time, there is no shame in speaking to a trusted counsellor or a knowledgeable imam together.

A simple weekly rhythm

1. A short daily check-in with phones away.
2. One walk or shared meal just for the two of you each week.
3. One playful or new activity each month.
4. A shared du'a for your marriage after one prayer each day.

Start with one of these this week. Friendship in marriage is rarely lost in one day, and it is rebuilt the same way: one small moment at a time.

This article shares verses of the Quran and authentic hadith with practical suggestions. It is not a religious ruling. For questions about your own situation, please ask a qualified scholar you trust.